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Most stories within ARSE teach lessons to both men and women on the basics of flirting, albeit mainly in a "what not to do" sense. Following that tradition, this story teaches us why we should not send form letters to people we're trying to hit on.
On October 11th, 2009, I received the following blatant form letter on OK Cupid:
How's it going? OKC recently suggested I check out your profile and you sounded like a very interesting person and we have a lot in common so I thought I would send you a quick note and introduce myself.
My name is ———. I am 32 and work as a graphic designer for a promotional products company. I also write for ———. I'm a pretty big dork which either annoys people or makes me endearing; It's about 50/50. I'm a big baseball fan, love to play Rock Band, watch movies and drink coffee. I am both an extreme leftist and an ardent atheist.
Anyway, if you are interested in chatting and getting to know each other, drop me a line. I hope to hear from you.
———
Intensely annoyed at the objectifying treatment of just another girl on the Internet, I couldn't let it go and decided to mess with him. I opted to reply with a form letter—a form rejection letter, that is. I Googled "rejection letter" and copied and pasted the first return:
Date
Name of Applicant
Applicant's Address
Dear (Applicant Name):
As you know, we interviewed a number of candidates for the (Name of Job) position, and we have determined that another candidate is the most qualified for the requirements of our opening. So, the purpose of this letter is to let you know that you have not been selected for the position and that we have offered the position to another candidate.
Thank you so much for taking the time to come to (Company Name) to meet our interview team. We enjoyed meeting you and our discussions.
Please feel free to apply for open positions, for which you qualify, in our company in the future.
We wish you every personal and professional success with your job search and in the future. Thank you for your interest in our organization.
Regards,
Real Person's Name and Signature
Within moments, as I suspected, I received my "WTF?" response.
I take it from your snarky respsonse you think I sent you a form letter. Well I was atttracted to your wit in your profile but I guess you are just on here to have a laugh at other peoples expense. Good luck with that.
"'Attracted to [my] wit,'" I snorted derisively. "No you fucking weren't. You didn't even read my profile till you received that reply." I noticed that he tried to cover his ass by saying "you think I sent you a form letter," but he never actually denied that it was a form letter. Another typical guy, I thought, acting sweet till I reject him, and then he acts like a bitter dick. I was flattered by the label of "snarky," though. Knowing that my sadistic glee would only incense him further, I responded with
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irony
Snarky; good word. Thanks.
I then blocked him.
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