"I'm the Only Guy on Here" Guy

Usually, when someone you're interested in tells you they're interested in someone else, that's your cue to leave. Some guys, however, have trouble believing that.

On October 9, 2009, I received the following on OK Cupid:

you seem really interesting. I like that you like Alfred Hitchcock. I have a 20-movie collection of his. I used to study exploding stars, dark energy and the accelerating universe so if your nice I'll let you ask what you've always been dying to know about the universe but were afraid to ask! lol And dark chocolate, I'm a fan. What's your favorite kind?

Based on the shitty punctuation, use of "lol," and hints of him acting "cocky and funny" (Why do guys do that? It always sucks.), I wasn't really interested. He seemed harmless enough, though, so I replied,

I love Hitchcock; I'd probably have a lot more of his movies if I had the cash.

I took three astronomy courses in college (and failed one). Recently I've had my eye on astronomer on here, though he hasn't logged in lately. [author's note: This was of course his hint that I wasn't interested.]

Naturally, upon detecting rejection, he then began revealing his dickish attitude.

What's your favorite Hitchcock movie?

Oh sure, your eye on an astronomer who hasn't logged in lately!!! lol

[ . . . ]

Seething with irritation at the sarcastic accusation that I had invented the astronomer, I wrote back to tell him that the astronomer I'd been eyeing had logged in again, and I implied he'd written to me, though in fact he hadn't even viewed my profile yet. I wasn't about to let that putz know that, of course. He again ignored the hint and mocked me, at which point I told him I didn't want to talk to people I believed were mocking me or otherwise doubting me. I blocked him after that, so I'll never know whether he sent me another message accusing me of being a paranoid bitch.

I really never should have replied to the first email, but I thought an interesting conversation might happen. Instead, all I got was a further reaffirmation of my belief that that damn "cocky and funny" shit guys try to pull off is a terrible, terrible idea.