Common Sense Style Tips

My ninth grade science teacher, despite his hideous purple shirts and loud ties, may well have been the most stylish person I ever knew. He used to say "There's a big difference between style and fashion." I have never forgotten that. What he meant, of course, was that one should dress in clothes that suit you rather than clothes that happen to be popular. Any idiot can emulate a celebrity in a magazine; it takes more skill to develop your own taste.

I wasn't born with great style or the means to attaining a great wardrobe. I grew up with a single father and hung out mostly with boys, so I had limited access to clothes and talking about clothes. Embarrassingly, I learned most of what I know about style from Anton LaVey. I read The Satanic Witch as a teenager, and as soon as I earned my first paycheck, I threw away all my ratty jeans and T-shirts and bought a lot of skirts, girly tops, and stockings. I based my purchases mostly on advice from that book with inspiration drawn from classic films and icons such as Audrey Hebpurn, Lauren Bacall, and Jackie Kennedy. I don't dress as well as that most of the time, but I maintained the same principles of simple femininity and classic pieces. The difference in male attention was immediate and vast. I collected compliments on my style from men and women alike, and I even started receiving better service in restaurants and stores and so on. I have never looked back.

The following is a list of observations on style I have collected over the years.

• First and foremost, wear clothes that fit. Don't wear baggy clothes to hide your shape, and definitely don't wear clothes that are too tight. It's tacky and gross. Just do a Google Image search for "muffin top" if you don't believe me. Just because you're wearing a size six, that doesn't mean you are a size six. On that note, don't kid yourself with vanity sizing; everyone can see you're not really a size four. If you want to be a size four, exercise and lose the weight.
• The second most important point: Avoid trends. Trends, more often than not, just look stupid. Very few people can wear a trend without announcing to the world that they are idiots, slaves to fashion, and have more money than brains, or at least think emulating a magazine is any substitute for style. I remember when I was going to UT it was a trend for girls to wear sweaters with gigantic collars that resembled neck braces. I am totally convinced that ninety per cent of the male attention I received as a student was due to the fact that I always, always wore v-necks and skirts, and I wouldn't be caught dead in Ugg boots or flip flops. So, at all costs, avoid trends. This is easier if you avoid shopping at malls. Everything in malls tends to be homogenous, mass produced, and devoid of personality. Check vintage stores for a more unique look. You can also shop online, but you won't be able to try clothes on first that way.
• Related to the first point regarding clothes that fit: Wear clothes of the correct length. If you are taller or shorter than average, wear clothes tailored to your size. Pant legs or sleeves that are too long make you look like a kid playing dress up; too short makes you look like a kid growing out of his clothes.
• Similar to wearing clothes of the correct length, if you are a petite female, take care when wearing long skirts and dresses since they tend to make you look shorter.
• Shorts are meant for people no older than their twenties, and at that, most of them should be avoided. Girls can pull off short shorts in varying colors, especially Daisy Duke style shorts, but men should stick to khaki knee-length shorts. Also, you shouldn't wear short shorts if you don't have the legs for them. Have some self-respect; don't show off cellulite. On the other hand, don't dress like a slut and wear clothes that fit like a second skin, even if you have the figure for it. It's trashy.
• Related to shorts, no one should wear capri pants. They look like pants that got shrunk in the wash.
• Now for a classic: Don't wear white socks with black shoes. The only exception is little rolled down white socks with black Mary Janes on young women. It just looks tacky otherwise.
• Here's another classic: Match your accessories to your shoes. Purses and shoes don't have to match exactly, but they should at least complement. Shoes, bags, jewelry, scarves, gloves, belts, and hats should always go together. This is much easier for men than for women since women are presented with much more variety. It's easier if you can find bags and shoes made by the same designer. Also, your bag, shoes, and belt should be made of the same material if possible. For instance, I carry patent leather purses with patent leather shoes, suede bags with suede shoes, etc.
• Accessories should do just that: Accessorize. They should complement, not overwhelm, your outfit. Wear bold accessories with a dark or simple outfit, and plainer accessories with a flashy outfit.
• Jewelry, like accessories, should complement your clothing without overwhelming it. Jewelry should be simple, understated, and never worn in excess; otherwise you'll look like a fortune teller. Also, pieces of jewelry worn together should be of the same style and material so as not to clash.
• Related to the points about accessories coordinating and matching each other, your articles of clothing should also coordinate and match. Don't wear black and brown together, and don't wear shades of the same color on top and bottom unless it's a suit or something. I really cannot overemphasize the importance of color coordinating; your outfits look so much better when the colors work.
• Speaking of color, consider your colors for the time of day and time of year. Flashy colors, sequins, and beads work better at night; light colors are better in hot weather; dark colors are better in cold weather; etc. One notable exception I make to this guideline is my winter coat, which is bright red. Most people wear drab grays, blacks, and browns for their winter coats; I love the bright splash of red my coat makes. Unfortunately, that means I can't wear it with my red beret since they clash (and even if they matched I'd look like Carmen Sandiego), but no matter.
• Bright colors can overwhelm people of slight builds, so if you are short or thin, you may wish to avoid loud colors. Pick colors to suit your hair color, eye color, and skin tone. I tend to wear light blue since it matches my eyes, dark green since it complements my hair, bright red since it's fun (though darker shades of red clash with my hair), and black, gray, or white for everything else. I'm picky about colors, but there are only so many colors and patterns that work on me anyway since I'm short, thin, and pale. Other than aforementioned bright red, I never wear loud colors or busy patterns. It takes a substantial figure to carry a substantial pattern. Similarly, people of larger builds may find that subtler patterns look inadequate on them.
• Speaking of patterns, subtle is almost always better. This especially applies to plaid, which can easily look like something that belongs in a hunting lodge.
• Skirts look best when they are about knee-length, especially on shorter women. Skirts above the knee should be reserved for the under-thirty crowd as a rule, and definitely not worn to work. Also, I believe skirts should definitely be feminine. That's the whole point: Skirts are for females, so they should be feminine, and not made out of camouflage, T-shirt material, or jeans.
• On jeans—Jeans should for God's sake fit. No Mom jeans. I exhausted every thrift store in town to find jeans of the right length which fit well in the hips without leaving the dreaded gap at the back. I also refuse to wear those tacky ultra-low-rise jeans; they're so trashy. I insist on wearing jeans that flatter my ass, but that's the point: Jeans should flatter your ass; not ride down and display it. Also, jeans should not have elastic waistbands, stupid embroidered decorations (they're jeans for crying out loud; if you want fancy pants, wear fancy pants), and definitely no fake rips or fades: 1.) They're obviously fake and therefore pointless, and 2.) If you insist on wearing ripped and faded jeans, go to the thrift store and buy real ripped and faded jeans, or just wear new ones until they wear out. Idiot.
• No sweat pants. Ever. Even in cold weather. Wear thermal underwear under regular pants, but never ever ever wear sweat pants. They are the symbol of sexless, hideous tedium and are utterly devoid of personality. "Designer" sweats with slogans and logos on them, especially printed across the ass (why not just wear pants with "Stare at my ass" written across them?) are even worse. Sweats were designed for just that: Sweating. If you're not wearing them to some kind of athletic event, you shouldn't be wearing them at all. The same goes for wind pants. They aren't fashion conscious; they are anti-fashion. The same applies to sweatshirts, with the possible exception of a hoodie. I got rid of my only sweatshirt hoodie a while back, though, in favor of shawls and fitted sweaters.
• On a related tangent, no Ugg boots. "Ugg" is the sound people make when they see them, plus it's short for "ugly." No, really. Why the hell would you spend good money on something so hideous, especially when there are cheaper and more attractive options available? The same applies to flip flops. They should be worn only at the beach, pool, or in the shower if you live in a college dorm. Otherwise, forget it. They're ugly, and they're bad for your back. Wear flats or sandals instead.
• Speaking of shoes, rein in that shoe obsession. I have probably about fifteen pairs of shoes. I may collect a few more over time, but I only need so many. I have several pairs of heels in different colors, sneakers in a few basic colors, work boots, and flip flops to go with my swim suit. That's it. Nobody needs sixty-eight pairs of shoes. Nobody.
• Also on the topic of shoes, use common sense and don't overspend. I don't really like the look of Manolo Blahniks, but even if I did, no way in hell would I spend that much money on them. Christian Louboutins are much more attractive, but I still wouldn't spend the money. This applies for most ludicrously overpriced brands. Find a similar style without the brand name, or scour eBay and thrift stores.
• Speaking of high heels, high heels are notoriously painful, and that's not just coincidence. Over time, heels cause lasting damage to your feet, legs, and back. To minimize the risk of injury and agony, make sure the toe box of the shoe is well constructed and doesn't constrict your toes. I never wear heels with pointed toes for this reason; that plus the fact that I think they look silly. Besides, the sharp, pointed toe look clashes with my relatively delicate features. Anyway. When it comes to heel height, wear low or mid heels only. Heels over three inches look silly. On the other hand, heels of less than about an inch and a half defeat the purpose. There is no reason on earth to wear a heel that low; just wear flats. Heels are specifically designed to make your legs look fabulous. That is why there's no need to wear heels too high; you can accomplish the same thing with less pain. It's difficult enough to walk in heels without putting yourself through agony. I have a bad ankle and am not supposed to wear heels at all, but I occasionally do anyway, for short distances, because they look so good. I hate it, but I can't resist how great my legs look when I wear heels. Remember, the term "fuck me heels" was coined for a reason. Spare me the feminist bullshit. You can accomplish in heels what you absolutely cannot in sneakers.
• One last point on footwear, again with heeled shoes: No platform shoes. Ever. They're just hideous. Even with heels. Actually, especially with heels. Heels are designed to look sexy, and they cannot accomplish this with an ugly platform ruining them. The same goes for wedges or block heels. Heels should be stilettos, though thicker variants are okay if you must walk in them over any distance or stand for any length of time, though really, you may as well wear flats if that's the case.
• As long as I'm still focused on women-specific fashion items, I'd like to make some points about underwear. First: Underwear is not necessarily only going to be seen by you. Also, you feel much more self-confident when you wear attractive underwear. I like my bras and underwear to match, always, so I keep them in organized sets. I also wear bras of a specific style with a plunging neckline so they can be worn under any style of shirt. I also keep a few convertible bras for the same purpose. I do not wear plain, boring, wide-strap bras that resemble industrial luggage. I wear sports bras only to exercise in. I don't even find them comfortable for any other purpose. I also wear thongs only. I abhor granny panties, boy shorts, and anything else that looks like anything other than girly. Besides, thongs don't bunch up under your clothes, plus they avoid the dreaded visible panty line. And for God's sake don't ruin it with anything stupid like teddy bears or polka dots that belongs in a four-year-old's closet.
• On a related topic, hosiery should be feminine as well. I cannot stand pantyhose, and I only wear stockings with suspenders. With long skirts, I may cheat and wear knee highs, but I absolutely never wear hose. I have one very rarely worn pair of black tights, and two fishnet body stockings, but that is all. I don't wear thigh highs either since they cut off circulation. Stockings with suspenders, however, are not only dead sexy, but they don't get in your way, either. Just remember to put your underwear (if wearing any) on over them, not under, to facilitate easy access.
• Similar to lingerie, I'd like to discuss nightgowns. I hate wearing pants to bed, so I wear only nightgowns, and only silk nightgowns at that. I have two black ones and two red ones, one long and one short of each, and each with a matching robe. If I could find any other colors I liked, I might get them too. Anyway, you don't have to wear silk or lace if you don't like those fabrics, but do not wear those horrible high-necked, button-down or zippered nightgowns with stained, baggy, terry robes. They would look bad on a grandmother; they certainly won't make you feel attractive. Whether anyone sees you or not, you will automatically feel better if you look better. This is why I have several teddies in my collection as well: Even if nobody sees them, sleeping in them gives my self confidence a boost.
• Now, to move on to male-specific topics. To continue with the established theme, men also should consider their nightwear as a means to self confidence. Wear night clothes that are at once comfortable and attractive, and try to keep it age-appropriate. I wouldn't give flannel pajamas to a young man unless the climate were exceptionally cold, for instance.
• Also for men: It's been said, but I'll say it again. Wear boxers, not briefs. Not even boxer-briefs. It takes a very hot guy indeed to pull off briefs, and even then he'd look better in boxers.
• Also related to men's fashion: No ugly accessories, specifically, ugly ties. That is of course highly subjective, but suffice it say that ties should not feature sports logos, words, loud colors, polka dots, people, etc. Ties are dressy for a reason. Wear something appropriate.
• Men really have it much easier with fashion than women do, at least because there are far fewer choices. Just look at formal wear: Tuxes versus any manner of elaborate gowns and matching accessories which can't clash or mimic anyone else's. Men can get away with far less effort as long as their clothes fit and are tidy, but even that escapes too many men. I have seen many men wearing odd socks, socks with holes in them, underwear that should have been discarded long ago, old stretched-out T-shirts, etc. Men, take heed: If it's losing its shape, it should be a dust rag.
• I mentioned T-shirts. I don't wear them. They're shapeless and generic, plus the crew neck feels like it's choking me. They don't really flatter anyone, plus they tend to be worn too often on the wrong crowd. High school and college students can get away with it (although I wish they didn't), but anyone older than that should expend the effort to, as one friend of mine said, "dress like an adult." T-shirts don't suit older crowds. Button-downs, pullovers, sleeveless or tank tops (on women), etc. . . . There are so many more attractive options available; wear them instead. At the very least, wear T-shirts that fit well and are neat and tidy (i.e. not stained and ripped). Also, for God's sake don't wear a T-shirt bearing what you think is a witty slogan. It isn't.
• Possibly I could sum up the above list with the following: If you would be embarrassed to be seen in it in front of your hot date, don't wear it. Don't buy it. Don't keep it. Raid your closet and toss all such items into the Goodwill pile.

That about does it for my list of do's and don'ts. I'll wrap up by stressing the importance of finding a look that works for you. As I said at the beginning, don't wear trends. Stick with the classics that look good on you, wear clothes that fit, and wear age-appropriate clothing. Within those parameters, find certain styles, colors, and patterns that suit you. Your clothes are an extension of your personality, so pick clothes that say something about you. Also, clothes tend to attract certain types of people: Think about various high school stereotypes involving preps, punks, etc. Dress to suit whom you want to meet. My own style is more or less vintage chic. Most of my clothing comes from thrift stores, and I always wear fairly feminine stuff that makes me feel attractive.

I will leave you with some ideas in the form of a list of some of my favorite outfits that gain compliments consistently (I'll have pix posted eventually).

• favorite fitted blue jeans with a long sleeved fitted light blue v-neck (in the winter) or tank top (in the summer) and Chuck Taylors
• navy blue sun dress with white dots with red heels, a red purse, and a red coral necklace
• red cocktail dress with red heels and black accessories
• light blue cocktail dress with silver accessories
• knee-length gray A-line skirt with a black fitted top or white blouse with red or black accessories
• knee-length gray dress with a black fitted top or white blouse underneath with red or black accessories
• knee-length sleeveless light green floral print chiffon dress with a cream wrap, cream heels, cream purse, and pearl necklace
• ankle-length A-line burgundy skirt with a long sleeved cream v-neck shirt with a knitted autumn leaves tunic over it

As you can see, my style is eclectic but definite. It took years of work to build a collection of decent clothes, and I'm still working on it. It's been well worth the effort, though, since clothes are now fun instead of a chore or an afterthought. My style gets me compliments and possibly unfair advantages everywhere I go, and I love it. Go on. Do the same for yourself.