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As is usually the case when the month changes, I messed up writing the date on everything today. It wouldn't have been a big deal if it were only in my own paperwork, but at work I had to throw away the deposit slip I was filling out when I closed. Redoing that was a bit irksome.
February 2—I ought to have the couch in the middle of the room, but the room is too small. Today I was working on some knitting and dropped a needle behind the couch. This of course necessitated moving the table in front of the couch, upsetting the cat and my dad (who were dozing on the couch), and then heaving the couch out of the way. As is usually the case when I move the couch, I uncovered all manner of small treasures, not all of which were entirely welcome.
February 3—Was it a bit tactless for a band called the Killers to play on the day the music died? Today I worked the Killers show at the Erwin Center. It was incredibly boring, which drove me nuts. I can't handle boring calls; I become irritable and gripe about everything. Then I try to talk to the other stagehands, which doesn't work because I am inevitably reminded of why I do not like most of them. My token klutzy incident occurred during the last hour of the in. It was incredibly boring, and I did exactly one thing: I helped somebody push a road case onto a forklift to remove it from the stage. Minutes later, the roadie said they needed it back. Oops.
February 4—I think the Killers killed me. I closed the kiosk tonight, and I have to open tomorrow, which means tomorrow should be plenty fun. Anyway, tonight at the kiosk, I had a cup of tea (I was tired from working late at the Erwin Center), and I of course sloshed a bunch of it on the tiny counter space by the cash register. That in itself was nothing extraordinary, though I did worsen the situation when I reached for the paper towels in the cabinet, forgetting about the delicate state of the cabinet door and damaging it again as I fought with it.
February 5—I'm not supposed to run, so why do I keep doing it? Today I worked twelve hours with only one break. This was because one of my coworkers did not show up and did not bother calling in, and no one could get in touch with him. No one else could cover his shift, so I got to stay there all day. This made lunch especially unpleasant. The employee at the inline store had to close the gate to come down and give me my lunch break, and when I found out that the inline was closed, I ran back to the store to retrieve my lunch and then ran back to the kiosk with it. I sent my coworker back to the inline so we could keep it open, and I ate my lunch standing in the kiosk. The clumsiness, of course, came with me trying to run on my bad ankle. It was already aching by the time I reached the bookstore, and I nearly fell on the trip back to the kiosk. I suppose "nearly fell" isn't genuinely clumsy, but eh. It's the best I can manage on an utterly shitty day.
February 6—So that's what hair nets are for. This afternoon, I prepared myself a glass of chocolate milk and dragged a bit of my hair through it. That is not as klutzy as it seems when you remember that my hair is halfway down my back, but still. It was very gross and sticky and I had a hard time washing it out.
I got called in to work early because my coworker did not show up again. Thusly, I will be covering his hours next week, which is also the last week of this seasonal gig. I appreciate the paycheck and knowing that I will be doing some real work instead of pacing endlessly around the kiosk, but it is nevertheless annoying to know that I am filling in for such a slacker. Anyway, upon arriving in the parking lot this afternoon, I entered through the downstairs in Sears. I headed for the escalator, intending to go upstairs and purchase a hot tea first, but my plan was thwarted temporarily when I saw that both escalators were going down. I circled the escalators in bewilderment for a moment, and when I got back to the one that should have been going up, it was going up again. I stepped on with extreme hesitation, half expecting it to stop and violently reverse itself like that incident in Tokyo a while back, but nothing happened. I was kind of disappointed.
Tonight I worked at the Long Center for the first time ever. I spent about an hour doing pit work, disassembling music stands and stacking chairs. The person I was working with and I both failed to stack the stands properly, and I of course knocked several chairs down when I tried to stack them. Surprisingly, no one seemed to notice, which was actually quite alarming.
Today was last day at the kiosk. I had to be at work at ten o'clock this morning, which was quite unpleasant after being out till past midnight last night thanks to the Long Center . . . and of course I worked until closing tonight. I spent about three hours boxing up calendars at the inline (Some complete idiot stopped by the closed store, with its gate down and me emptying the shelves and all, to ask if we were closed. Ugh.), and then I went down to the kiosk. I spent the next eight or so hours doing nothing but boxing calendars, minus the minimal time spent running the cash register. And yes, I wasted a lot of tape in various false maneuvers with the tape gun. My tape-wasting skills are legendary.
February 10—I should have stayed in bed. I was off work today; I unsurprisingly spent a large amount of my time asleep. When I finally woke up, the first thing I did was stub the shit out of my toe on the steps by my bed. It bruised, of course. Way to enjoy my day off.
Today was my last day at my seasonal job. I packed up the inline, first taking apart and boxing shelves, and then boxing over one hundred boxes' worth of calendars to be shipped out to other stores. Needless to say, I ripped many boxes in my gusto (I was working fast not out of a work ethic but out of a desire for it to end.), but probably my clumsiest moment was first thing that morning. The Chik Fil-A upstairs was giving out free breakfasts, so I procured for myself a sausage biscuit. It was fairly bad, but I wasn't going to complain about free food. Anyway, it's a good thing it was the last day at the inline, because I spilled biscuit crumbs all over the damn floor.
February 12—My First Day of Freedom I spent my first day away from the kiosk in the mall. Of course. I went to the Lamme's Candies across from where the kiosk used to be, and I made a total ass of myself trying to find out anything about the clown/balloon artist I've seen there a few times. All I wanted to do was pass on a compliment (I enjoyed watching him from the kiosk, especially when he popped a balloon.), but I confused the hell out of the woman working there. The guy behind her stared. I bet the clown never gets the compliment.
February 13—Water, Water, Everywhere, and Not a Drop to Drink I was making myself a large mug of tea this evening and filled the kettle as usual. I went to place the lid on the kettle, only in the process, I somehow knocked the kettle into something else, I have no idea what, and sloshed most of the water all over the counter. The water went beneath the microwave, around the mixer, under the iced tea maker, under and somehow inside the miniature phone booth that houses my tea bags, and over the heating element for the electric kettle (!). I placed the now-empty kettle on a different, dry space of the counter and set about mopping up my mess. It took an incredibly long time. I was trying to be thorough, especially about getting the water off the heating element for the kettle, but even so. There were appliances to be moved and a surprisingly great deal of water to be mopped up. I was very careful about putting the lid on the kettle when I refilled it. On the upside, at least that part of the kitchen counter is now clean.
February 14—The Real Reason St. Valentine Lost His Head It's probably just as well that I did not do anything for Valentine's Day since I inevitably would have tripped over something and ruined it. However. I stayed in and did a lot of chores, including my taxes, which (naturally) is where the problem occurred. I had completely finished and was ticking off the checklist of things I was not supposed to have forgotten. It's a good thing that checklist was there, because I had not referenced line 6 in the booklet; I had in fact referenced line 7. It meant a difference of seven dollars (less) I'd be getting in my rebate. Damn. Thank goodness for proofreading. Seven million you can get away with; seven will get you jailed.
Tonight I was sitting on the floor of my room as I talked on the phone. I had my back to the door, and Bolie (the little cat) was on the other side of it, jealous of the fact that he was not in the room with me. So it was that I heard a lot of frantic scratching and looked down and saw a small, black, furry arm clawing in the gap under the door. I did the obvious thing and reached down and touched him. He wasted no time. I now have a rather painful cut on the pad of my right index finger, which is making typing rather unpleasant.
February 16—Uneven floors will trip you up. Tonight I went over to someone's house to watch a movie. When I arrived, I tripped over the threshold. Then I stumbled over some shoes or something on the floor, and later tripped over an air conditioner filter on the floor. Later, in the kitchen, I spilled sugar all over the counter and burned my fingers on pizza. I staunchly refused to have anything to do with the further preparation of the meal since that clearly would not have ended well. I very carefully plodded back into the other room and sat quietly (first checking to make sure I wasn't going to squash anything) for the remainder of the evening. Well, sat quietly minus the eating of pizza and knitting on a sock. Surprisingly, I did NOT spill pizza or milk (though I did dribble cookie crumbs on the floor), nor did I catastrophically fuck up the sock. I guess I had to get something right.
February 17—Green Thumb vs. Brown Thumb vs. Ten Thumbs Today's incident was not exactly clumsy, but it kind of figured. I went out to the garage to water my plants (stored in there with a lamp during the cold weather), and I discovered that two of them had died. They had been on the way out for a while, so it wasn't really a shock. I picked up the pots and moved them to the back porch, only I of course dropped them when I set them down, dislodging and scattering a lot of the dirt.
February 18—"Tortilla Heel" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Tonight I made tortilla soup. This was a slight episode as I did not know what I was doing, and I forgot to add the onions before the broth. I had to cook them separately and then add them. Luckily, it turned out okay.
This evening I polished off the last of the tortilla soup. I ingested a chili seed in exactly the right way, which means my sinuses are still bothering me.
For once, I have an instance of total grace to report. Bolie, the younger of my two cats, sleeps on my bed (as does Freefall, unless he opts for his cat bed on the floor). Unlike Freefall, who minds his own business, Bolie has a nasty habit of viciously biting my feet when he decides it's time for me to get up. This does not seem to be related to his own hunger or playfulness. As far as I can tell, it's arbitrary viciousness. So today, I was rudely awakened by a particularly savage attack on my left foot. Without an instant's hesitation, I seized a pillow, sat bolt upright, and clobbered Bolie with the pillow. He bolted off the bed, I dropped the pillow, and went back to sleep as if nothing had happened.
February 21—A Circular Incident? My daily dose of clumsiness overlaps with tomorrow. I meant to get up at ten on Sunday to watch Meet the Press, but I stayed up way too late (working on this website), meaning no Meet the Press for me.
February 22—I'm running out of utensils with which to cut myself. I made an apple pie this evening. I could not find my apple corer (I must have left it at Kirston's.), so I made a quick trip to HEB to purchase a new one. Back at home, I set to work coring the surprisingly firm apples. The cores did not even want to come out of the corer—very reluctant to give up the ghost. So I was trying to push them out when—of course—my thumb slipped and hit the sharp edge of the corer. It almost ripped an impressive chunk of flesh out, but the corer stopped when it hit bone, so now I have a gross-looking little flap of skin hanging off my thumb. I managed not to bleed all over the apples, but it was quite a deep cut that required two bandages and will take some time to heal.
Tonight we got a new TV. This would be good news if it were not for the expense. I paid for half of it. We couldn't have really afforded it otherwise, but as it is, it is antagonizing to spend a large amount of money all at once on something other than, say, a motorcycle or laptop or something. Anyway, my dad and I were moving the broken old TV off the stand when he moved his side too suddenly, causing it ram into my throat, causing me to drop my end on the floor. The old TV was no worse for wear (and it was already broken anyway), but the loud cracking sound it made as it hit the floor was not reassuring.
February 24—I see why Amélie's parents were neurotic. This afternoon, my phone rang. This would not have been a big deal, except I had not cleaned out my purse properly, and the phone was buried beneath an emptied make up bag, a couple of receipts, and so on. I dug for the phone as it continued to ring, finally giving up and dumping the contents of my purse onto the floor, locating the phone immediately after it went to voicemail. At least it wasn't an important call.
February 25—Someday I will learn that yarn is not rope. I was working on my Dead Kennedys shirt this evening when I noticed that the skein from which I was working was almost empty. I pulled out the remaining yarn and faked it (nautical term for winding rope around in an easy-to-pull fashion). Somewhat predictably, it became horribly tangled within minutes, and it is quite possible that I will have to throw away the whole damn mess and buy another skein now.
February 26—Devil of Cookery (Yes, even I can reference Stephen Chow.) I have a couple of separate incidents to relate today. Today my computer crashed because my iPod had corrupted and had to be restored to its original settings. It eventually fixed itself, but in the meantime, I was without a computer and thusly could not update this website. Instead, I decided to do a lot of cooking, and I made succotash, vichyssoise, and slumgullion. After digging in a drawer for a wooden spoon, I closed the drawer, but it wouldn't close. I assumed the runner of the drawer was caught on the top of a colander or pot in the cabinet below, which was usually what happened when the drawer wouldn't close. I slammed the drawer shut to dislodge the errant dish. The drawer closed and I got back to cooking, until I opened the cabinet below said drawer moments later to retrieve a pot. I blinked in horror for a second as I realized that the problem of earlier was not a sturdy pot or colander but rather my delicate spring form cake pan. Or rather, what used to be my delicate spring form cake pan, for it was now oblong, dented, and useless. I sighed, removed it, and threw it away. Later that night, I slept through my shows on MSNBC and the hockey game I wanted to watch.
February 27—I predict more incidents involving my thumb are to follow. My klutzy incidents of the day—yes, plural—are both related to previous incidents. Today in the shower, the small chunk of flesh flapping from my thumb after the incident with the apple corer ripped off. I had been careful, hoping it would grow back with a minimum of fuss or scar tissue, but it came off presumably while I was washing my hair, which left me not a little paranoid that there was a gross little bit of skin stuck in my hair somewhere. Surprisingly, I didn't feel it at all, but I'm still wearing a bandage on that thumb because there's still a chunk of it missing, and I don't want it to get infected. Then I forgot about the hockey game I wanted to watch, meaning I've now missed two nights in a row of hockey games I wanted to see. !
February 28—It only might have been deliberate. I'm updating this retroactively since I spent the whole first week of March in Houston. Today we drove down to Houston to stay at my aunt's house. I grabbed my Obama sweater before leaving, totally ignoring the fact that my aunt and uncle are Republicans and rub elbows with a lot of rich Republican types. No one said anything when I showed up at their house wearing it, but I know it's bound to cause an incident.
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