As usual, Knitty.com did not disappoint me on my quest for craptastic craft catastrophes to mock. The latest offering comes in the form of a ludicrous knitted drink holder.
Aside from the questionable grammar, the first thing I noticed about the blurb beside the photo was the idiotic notion of a necessity for such a good in the first place. After all, sensible people don't drink coffee out of paper cups for four dollars a pop. Sensible people drink tea out of mugs or thermoses. All-around bad sense is what makes this Bad Knitting, though.
The most obvious flaw in this knitted article is the concept itself. The drink holder is supposed to prevent coffee drinkers from spilling coffee on their hands—Excellent, until the holder inevitably slips, rips, and pops the lid right off the cup, splashing hands and staining clothes. Also, the coffee drinker has to put the drink holder on the cup (properly) in the first place, which involves handling a hot cup and therefore defeating the purpose of not handling a hot cup.
Also, the idea of holding a boiling hot beverage by a thread, almost literally, is screwy to say the least. Why would you let a scalding hot liquid dangle from a flimsy strip of cloth, swinging wildly with every step, just waiting to loop the loop and fly open and tump the contents across your crotch?
Even if the wildly swaying drink didn't spill, there's still the likelihood of the drink holder not staying in place. Knitted fabric is slippery, and no matter how well the drink holder fits on the paper cup, it could still easily slide off. I know this because it is very difficult for me to keep a grip on my thermos (even with its textured surface) with knitted mittens on.
Now we come to the knitting itself. The pattern on the drink holder is a little odd—I take it it's supposed to represent hot steamy coffee, but it just looks like random curly cues. I also spotted the uneven gauge in the garter stitch handle, plus the cast on at the base of the drink holder looks skewed. The piece was obviously worked in the round, apparently not by anybody who had much experience knitting in the round: The join at the bottom several rows is visibly off kilter, which skews the aesthetic (such as it is) and damages the overall fabric.
Also, I wondered about the seaming on the drink holder's handle. That seaming seems likely to snag on the drink lid and/or eventually come undone with catastrophic results. I'm guessing the seaming was intended to discourage stretching, but as the picture betrays, it didn't work. Also, the handle is not the best place for a double layer of fabric on this item. The main tube of fabric that surrounds the cup should have been a double layer of fabric to further its insulating properties. Really, the whole thing should have been double knit.
Another problem is that knitting stretches considerably, more so over time. Already visible in the handle of the drink holder, the fabric will stretch more over time, furthering the potential for spillage when the knitting inevitably loosens and releases the cup. To prevent the problem of the inevitable stretching, the pattern should have been double knitted, worked in thick Fair Isle, or knitted with a thick enough yarn that any stretch would be minimized. Better still, it should not have been knitted at all.
Indeed, rather than wasting time knitting this silly thing in the first place, the knitter should have just knitted a koozie—in other words, this drink holder but without the stupid handle, and possibly with an extra layer of fabric. Koozies are ugly and relatively pointless, but no more so than this drink holder. At least a premade koozie wouldn't have had the problems this drink holder did. Better still, bypass the koozie and knitted drink holder altogether and go with the solution that comes with the cup: a paper sleeve. I mean, what the hell; if you're going to be less environmentally friendly by drinking out of paper cups in the first place, you may as well go all out. If nothing else, at least that way your idiocy isn't quite as obvious to the rest of the world.