I used to have two good friends named Aron and Justin, whom I enjoyed teasing about their (imagined) effeminacy.
Aron's and Justin's birthdays fell about two weeks apart, therefore I liked to get them matching gifts. In 2005, I certainly made them "matching" gifts—a pair of monogrammed, sequined thongs. The idea for that came from a KP series I'd been working on, "The Terrible Trio," where the three main characters (Aron, Justin, and I) all lived together, and there was a running joke involving Justin's preference for wearing a hideous, purple sequined thong. I wanted to buy both of the guys purple sequined thongs, but I couldn't find any, to my mixed relief. So I settled on something even worse: something homemade.
I went to WalMart and bought two thongs in the biggest size I could find, which wasn't actually all that big, considering how big some women's asses are, but then again, thongs are generally tiny, meaning that these were fuckin' huge. I then went to Michael's and bought some purple ribbon and some sequins—gold stars, and some round multicolored ones which I sorted according to color and picked out all the purple ones. Then I set to work.
First, I took the purple ribbon and made four little bows, and I attached a bow to either side of each thong. Then I stitched "ARON" in gold stars across the front of one thong and "JUSTIN" on the other. And then the piéce de resistance: I took the purple sequins and, on the front of each thong, sewed the sequins into the shape of an arrow pointing down.
I made a point of taking my camera with me when I went to Aron and Justin's Tesla coil party. I knew that this, as possibly my most elaborate prank to date, absolutely had to be captured on film. I simply had to preserve the expressions on their faces when they first saw their thongs. I wasn't disappointed.
Aron and Justin first realizing what I've given them.
They "try on" their thongs and admire each other accordingly.
They pose for a picture.