|
"It's nice to be king, but, on second thought, isn't it even nicer to be the king's jester and say whatever you want without having to put up with protocol?" - Francis Barry "I've got an idealist's heart chained to a pragmatist's mind." - Francis Barry "My deity complex is not sufficiently developed to have no regrets." - Francis Barry "Some people aspire to be gods; I find it hard enough being human." - Francis Barry "Sometimes we lose sight of the great truth that happiness resides not in someone else, but within ourselves. That to live is to suffer, but to be discontented in that suffering is a choice we make for ourselves alone." - Francis Barry "The pain of love is like that of the contemplation of the infinite. In fact, love is infinite and our attempts to make it finite are what frustrate it." - Francis Barry "Yeah, there's nothing the Marines love more than the adulation of liberated people." - Francis Barry "Throw that shit out." - Domokos Benczedi, on dealing with drama "Attempting to slide down half iced four foot hills on cookie sheets. Good times." - Tanner Boyd's away message regarding Austin's so-called "ice storm" of 2003 "Ignorant is when you do something because you don't know any better. Stupid is when you do know better, but you do it anyway." - Coach Brooks "There's a big difference between style and fashion." - Coach Brooks "When you're driving, if you ever see a ball bounce out into the street, slam on the brakes, because like there's an invisible string attached to it, a little kid will come running after it." - Coach Brooks "If I ever do get my fifteen minutes of fame, it will undoubtedly be as the defendant in the most infamous libel lawsuit of the century." - Lauren Brown "If you two blew each other while watching Brokeback Mountain, it would be less gay." - Lauren Brown to Aron Koscho and Justin Hays "Don't make fun of him. In twenty years he'll be ruling the world." - Adam Bryer on a stereotypical high school nerd "Sometimes a little pessimism can be beautiful in a poetic world." - Nich Cain "You know everything will get better." - Nich Cain "Thinking will get us all in the end." - Nich Cain "Just be glad it wasn't one of the Marines; he'd have thrown it into reverse and tried again!" - Russell Carmon, when I told him that I'd almost been run over by Commander Bartek of the USN "And by the way, Lisa Levine is the coolest person alive. I'm so converting to Judaism to marry her. Now we just have to work on the whole gay thing." "No Justin, don't convert! If you do, we can't be together forever! JM+RC 4VR" - Justin's and Russell's respective AIM profiles "[You know those] Amazing XCam2 ads that always pop up with some scantily clad woman, like maybe, just maybe, if you plant a tiny camera in somebody's house, some woman will come in there and take her clothes off? I bet anything that if that were a man standing there in really tight pants, getting ready to rip his shirt off, that company would go broke overnight." - Prof. Christian Christensen, during a lecture on sexist stereotyping "I think libertarians are basically just leftists who don't like hippies." - Jason Eitelbach "That'd be bitchin'." - Rachel Helmick "Suck my ballot, Bush." - Rachel Helmick, when she turned 18 and received the right to vote "How could time exist; it's so relative." - Rachel Helmick "School is mostly only as bad as you make it." - Rachel Helmick "There seems to be conservation of Democracy, because the more we 'give' to other countries the less we seem to have to go around here." - Rob Heslin "[Writing] neutralizes your barricades." - Ryan Holliway "Adam Bryer is an accident waiting to happen." - Donald Hoy "'Race is a fiction we should never accept,' and 'Race is a fact we should never forget.' Those two sentences appear to be the opposites of each other, but, if you think about it, they actually mean the same thing." - Prof. Bob Jensen "I burned up many chips and circuits. I discovered how electronic components work: They are full of smoke. If the smoke gets out, they don't work anymore." - Paul Jones "As I understand it the IRS secretly redirects our tax dollars to creating ground 'what the hell is THAT' for all the major fast food chains." - Aron Koscho "I'm not sure how much longer they will be friends." - Aron Koscho on a disastrous prom date "My apologies for reincarnating Herman; I will keep my perversely twisted fantasies . . . er . . . story lines to myself next time." - Aron Koscho on "The End of Herman" "They could at least try to establish an emotional link with the person they're nailing!" - Aron Koscho on furries "I'm going to continue malling now." - Aron Koscho, at the end of a cel phone conversation while he was wandering around a mall "Have another nice day." - Martin Larter "Have a glorious day." - Martin Larter "My rich Aunt Carol is coming up for a visit soon. That will be nice. And curiously, my mum has just gone out and bought two expensive-looking wall units." - Martin Larter "If you come out of college with more questions than you had when you went in, it's a clue that somebody did something right." - Dr. Julia Mickenberg midnightdreamer: If you don't communicate what kind of blow job you want, you may never get it. Scix: That should be carved into the base of the Statue of Liberty. "I'd say [AFRN's] 'equal time' concept consisted of pro-war Republicans and pro-war Democrats on the air." - Kirston Otis Cleaning my car and washing pants. Yes, those are a deadly combo to do at the same time but still . . . - Vinh Pham's away message "France wants more evidence. The last time France wanted more evidence, it rolled right through Paris with a German flag." - Josh Pietrzyk "Politics have become a digital rectal exam for its participants." - Michael Saberian "The Kabbah must be destroyed." - Michael Saberian "Don't." - Jon Sack "Ssh." - Jon Sack "Don't do it if you have to think about it first." - Jon Sack "I think I'll go exchange this metal for some food." - Jon Sack at lunch "This sucks tremendous amounts of ass." - Jon Sack "We tend to refer to this era [65 million years ago] as 'when the dinosaurs went extinct,' as if they were the only species affected, but actually, many species of plants and animals went extinct. For a long time, it was a mystery as to how this could have happened, until a group of scientists discovered a 65-million-year-old layer of iridium under the Earth's surface. Iridium is a scarce element on Earth, but it's found in abundance in exploding stars, comets, etc. This suggests that a huge bolide, about ten kilometers across, struck the Earth about 65 million years ago and . . . did something bad." - Prof. John Scalo "There are only three kinds of girls who join the military . . . those who are mentally unstable, those who are running from another guy, or a combination of the two. Go ahead and try to disprove that." - Shjado "I've never driven a Nissan; only Maximas." - some woman in Strack's "Lauren, you're a demented little fuck. I'm sorry, but there's no other way to put it." - Rachel Tanner "I guess I was just giving humanity too much credit with that assumption, huh?" - Rachel Tanner "Wow, Rachel. Way to go. You really know how to handle your life. And now you're talking to yourself in an e-mail." - Rachel Tanner "You're a nice guy; it's just that you act like such a jerk sometimes." - Mr. Vandenbelt to an unruly student "It's a nasty business when that which take for granted suddenly fails us." - Randall van der Woning "Trust me when I say there are fewer sublime pleasures in life than a properly operating commode." - Randall van der Woning "Alternative medicine: An alternative to stuff that works." - Brian Wilson |