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The female half of the Unhappy Couple apparently possessed a predisposition toward drama that I at first chose to ignore. Some weeks before her breakup, she posted something on Facebook regarding a mishap on a different website. She wrote that she had sold a purse on Etsy over a year ago to a woman who didn't pay, and my friend emailed this woman offering to hold the item if she were short on funds. The woman indignantly replied that she was wealthy and able to pay but didn't want the purse because it was trash and that my friend was a low-rent whore. Predictably, my friend left negative feedback, so the woman sent my friend hate mail monthly from then on. I at first thought that was the end of it. I thought my friend had posted the story out of irritation at constant, unsolicited hate mail, though the most realistic response on her part would have been to just delete the emails, report the other woman, and not bother bringing it up on Facebook. However, I soon learned that my friend had, in fact, replied to all the hate mail with rude retorts of her own. *facepalm* Now. My friend didn't start this, but she certainly could have finished it. I don't for one minute believe that her nemesis was wealthy or dying as she claimed to be; nobody who was either would bother with such melodrama. Also, my friend said the other woman used abhorrent spelling and grammar and typed in all caps, which further led me to believe that the stranger was just a random, disturbed idiot. That means her abusive emails were even less worthy of a response than they would have been otherwise. I never respond to hate mail anyway, but I'm far less likely to take to heart insults from somebody whom I believe to be crazy or an idiot. The point is that you should not respond to hate mail at all. If somebody sends you insulting missives, just delete them and block the sender. If it's on a public forum, report that user to the admins to be dealt with accordingly. Never respond; that will only perpetuate the trouble, waste your time, and make you look and feel bad. I have, of course, dealt with my share of hate mail. I already chronicled the tale of the Batshit Insane Drama Queen on here, which was one form of hate mail (along with a lot of other crap). I have also received hate mail from complete strangers, usually guys I've rejected via online dating. Typically what happens is I receive an email from a guy who put zero effort into his email—content- or grammar-wise—so I don't reply. The guy, irritated beyond rational comprehension, then sends me an offensive report and proves me right for ignoring him in the first place. Once a guy on OK Cupid sent me hate mail when neither of us had ever messaged the other at all. This guy—named nerdeoisie (If he's elsewhere on the Internet, ladies, beware)—viewed my profile, and we were supposedly a good match. Neither of us ever messaged the other, so I was quite surprised to find an email from him one morning which, somewhat paraphrased (though I remember it quite well!), read "I normally wouldn't do this, but I guess I'm in the right frame of mind. You are a shallow, spoiled, self-centered girl, and your writing is not nearly as good as you seem to think. You undoubtedly have a lot of guys on here fawning all over you, and you no doubt enjoy the ego boost . . . " etc. I swiftly reported it as hate mail and then deleted it. Later, I went to look at his profile (out of morbid curiosity) and found that he had deleted it. Just as well; nobody else needs to read crap like that. Not that I took it to heart, of course. I know perfectly well I'm not shallow, spoiled, or self-centered. I also know that my writing is fucking awesome. Anyway, I found a Google cached copy of his profile later and laughed uproariously at how grossly he misrepresented himself. He described himself as being good at conversing, being a true friend, consoling, making friends . . . blah blah, woof woof, generic "I'm a really open, honest, sweet guy." He actually commented on his "friendly, unpretentious demeanor," for fuck's sake. Honestly, the sleazy guys are better than that; at least the creeps are honest. Hell, even my own brand of arrogance and snarkiness is better than that; at least I don't claim to be anything other than what I am. For that matter, I also don't boast talents I don't possess. This guy claimed etymology (the study of words) as a hobby of his, and he said in apparent seriousness "I have a sort of unformal love affair with words and where they came from." The word is "informal," you idiot. If you were truly interested in words, or not a moron, you would know that. However, I did not say any of this to him. I didn't respond at all. As I already said, I just reported him to the admins and deleted the email. Had he not already deleted his profile, I would have blocked him as well. That's the only way to handle online bullying. The two stories I related are the most standout examples I can think of on how not to talk to people on the Internet. My friend from the Unhappy Couple should have just ignored the woman sending her hate mail, not only because the hate mail didn't deserve a response, but also because, aside from just wasting time, replying to hate mail does you no favors should the site admins hear about it. I.e., don't lay yourself open for punishment as well. The second story, of course, was all the guy's fault. Never waste your time on hate mail. Even more so, don't misrepresent yourself online. People will see through that fairly quickly. Say what you will about me; I never pretend not to be snarky, cynical, and snobby. |